I’ve wanted to write this post for some time, but I’ve been so consumed with work and children that I had guilt doing anything else.
There’s been some apprehension – because I don’t want to come across like a know-it-all or rude.
I wanted to share a bit of ‘me’ hoping to relate to others and maybe provide some inspiration.
This is a post about feelings.
My feelings and those of others.
Sounds cheesy, but something that has been bothering me for some time.
I’ve realized that the internet is a fun, fabulous and DANGEROUS place.
It’s a place where … the more you share … the more you must be prepared for opinions of others.
Good ones. AND BAD.
The internet, blogging, and social media has created attitudes.
Attitudes of (probably good) people hiding behind a computer. or smart-phone. or tablet.
People seem a lot more self righteous on the world wide web.
I am sure I can come across that way too!
I’ve been shamed by others – what seems like dozens of times.
I am a pretty humorous person. My words are often filled with sarcasm and silliness.
My photos are shared because I feel they are appropriate; though others have told me they are not and should be taken down.
People have said things that make me question myself as a mother, a Christian, a photographer, a wife… a woman.
I’ve been shocked… at the [internet] behavior of others.
It has saddened me and made me want to quit… any social media and sometimes my job. Just unplug.
Internet Bullying… isn’t cool. 🙁
Reality is WHO CARES what these people say???
Why in the world do I CARE what some people think about my choices, my life, my words?
(Well, I really don’t like anyone thinking badly of me… which is stupid, because it’s unrealistic and inevitable that there are people who will NOT like me!)
Who cares what you think is right? Well, YOU do… right?
Does this mean that telling someone how WRONG (YOU think) they are is a good choice and is right?
No. None of us NEED to condemn others…
I’ve seen attacks on photographers for saying this or saying that – or doing this or doing that.
The armies of “I will tell _____ just how WRONG they were.” (VERY PUBLICLY and by the hundreds – literally)
My social media pages were created for CLIENTS and ‘FRIENDS’ of Arden Prucha Photography, foes are NOT welcome.
You’ll see at the bottom of the blog post that to leave a comment it clearly states: “SHARE KIND WORDS”
I have that for a reason. Ugliness isn’t welcome. It will be deleted and blocked.
No lesson is taught by wagging a finger in the face of another.
Internet bullying is serious. Lives, businesses, friendships and relationships can be ruined by others.
My point of this post isn’t to be negative. It’s to share words of encouragement.
To be positive. To share the LOVE. To leave the pages of those you disagree with… perhaps you want to condemn, delete them from your feed, your blog roll, your life.
It’s that simple. Get rid of the people that tick you off. Fill up your life with love… beautiful people… kindess. I promise you’ll see change – in your outlook and interaction!
I’ve been so blessed to have a TON of wonderful people in my life.
People who are generous, loving, kind, complimentary, supportive and beautiful.
I have had so much encouragement from family, friends, and complete strangers! 🙂
It’s touched my soul and inspired me to be better.
So, today I came across this acronym… and I had to share it.
T.H.I.N.K. – BEFORE YOU SPEAK...
T – is it TRUE?
H – is it HELPFUL?
I – is it INSPIRING?
N – is it NECESSARY?
K – is it KIND?
I know that not everyone will agree with the way I write things, or what I believe in, or what I say… and I may not always say it right.
I may put my foot in my mouth realizing – I may have been hurtful or come across completely ignorant.
I may not share your same beliefs. And that is okay.
I learn lessons and I definitely make mistakes. WE ALL DO. We are human and innately sinful.
My goal is to be very kind, loving, generous, open, understanding and intuitive when I interact with others.
If I don’t like what someone has to say, I move on.
Because… in the long run, who cares – what I think?
Probably no one, well… no one except me.
Won’t you please THINK with me?!
Share beautiful words. Share your love. Share your bliss. Share the good… in you.
What a great post! Thanks for sharing Arden! And despite some of those “bullies” and mean words, remember that you are LOVED by God AND others! I SOO appreciate your posts, your skills, your advice, and your experiences! What a help you’ve been as I have started my own photography business.
So thank you! 🙂
Thank you Allie… you are right. God – my creator, my Abba, my love, my reason for living… and dying – truly loves me. <3
Love you Arden! You are such an inspiration to me!
Thanks Jodi! <3
Arden,
I just read your post and it is funny how God gives you answers to your life’s questions. You see, I have been stuggling with the same thing. It is hard to keep a positive attitude when it seem as if you are swimming in negativity. Your post gave me courage to stand up for positive, kind thinking. Your photography inspires me everyday and you words in this post moved me. Thank you.
Well, sometimes answers come when we least expect it. Kind of like me coming across the “THINK” acronym today. It was such an AH-HA moment… for me to say, it’s not okay to feel bad about this stuff… because it’s not okay for this stuff to be said. Ignore and move on! 🙂
Well said Arden 🙂 You have always been an example of kindness, and so willing to share so that others can grow as photographers. You have a generous spirit and for that you will reap tenfold 🙂
Oh Jana, thank you. I know I have caused plenty of pain and probably still do, but it’s all a learning process. I hope to be better and grow day by day!
This is perfect. You said it all and you said it with grace. I can’t imagine anyone saying anything hurtful to you. I have never met you but follow your blog and your beautiful photography, we’ve shared a few messages back and forth and I have nothing but wonderful things to say about you. You are a beautiful woman, mother and wife. Your photography is amazing and I am so grateful to you for all the knowledge you’ve shared for you have taught me so much in my beginnings of my own photography journey. It hurts when people say unkind things and I am so sorry that you have been at the receiving end of something so wrong. Please know that there are more people out there that love you than not and I am one of them!
Chin up girl! 🙂 I’ve got your back!
Thanks Ali!!! I see so much negativity… and when I feel it myself, it surely does hurt. When I’ve been condemned… my mood worsens, my parenting gets abrasive, I am a worse wife and I stress about work. Nothing good comes from it. 🙁 Ready for growth and change… and lot’s of love!
Arden,
This reminds me so much of what my mother taught me when I was small. “If you can’t say something nice, then don’t say anything at all” was her motto. Some may have even thought she was shy. The truth of it was that she really practiced that. Realizing that you can never really know the whole story, that we all make mistakes and that everyone’s journey is different, who are we to judge anybody else. She was and still is always careful to find something encouraging to say. What a wonderful example. I like your acrostic ‘THINK’. I had a Sunday School teacher once who said something similar–that before we said something, we should ask ourselves if it was true, necessary and kind. Oh what a better place the internet would be if more people could apply such simple consideration.
Thanks for sharing–and for being an inspiration to me both in photography and as a Christian mother.
Thanks Adrienne… I hope to THINK more often, as it’s pretty valuable questioning!
Ali you took the words right out of my mouth. Arden you ROCK and said this perfectly!
Awh thanks Cayce!
good for you! well said.
Thanks Courtney.
Great post! It is so true! It is very easy to fall into mob mentality on the internet and I am appalled at the harsh things I have seen posted where comment was not requested.
It is especially horrible when people make rude comments about the actual subjects in the photos, essentially making fun of them or pointing out a flaw or even making suggestive comments, as if they or their parents will not be seeing all those awful comments. The result is that the photographer looks equally bad by association even though they probably do not even know the poster.
You are right Rachel! Photographers have a job… which means they have clients… which means – be respectful! :)Thanks!
Well said, Arden! I’m someone who has learned the hard way that I needed to rid myself of all the negative folks in my life. I noticed that when I was around the negativity, my life was greatly affected by it…and I didn’t like it! It seemed as though that negativity rubbed off on me and I found myself becoming negative in certain aspects of my own life. So, I set out to change that. I decided that I would only surround myself with love and happiness and those people who love me, like me or at least appreciate me! And it was the best decision I ever made! Not only are the people around me kind and loving and thoughtful, but I, in turn, am more kind and loving and thoughtful. Good for you for sticking up for yourself and others! Noone should have to put up with bullying or any negative behavior from anyone. You are truly an inspiration…in both photography and life! I hope others learn from this and make it a point to change as well. Sometimes you can change others, but you CAN change yourself. Much love to you and thanks for being such a beautiful person! And for the record, I can’t even believe that anyone would have anything negative to say to you…you are always so kind and gracious.
Well Leslie – so great to hear the life change! I believe it’s truth – you will be who you surround yourself by. I appreciate your story and kindness!
Amen sister! As I once heard from a very smart lady– it’s like losing oxygen. Some people just can’t make the climb with you. Keep up the AMAZING photographs and lovely posts. Much love from KC! XO
Oh JAYME CHICITA… I remember at Reata – they would say ‘don’t be a weed!’ Weeds take over and do take the oxygen and space for the true flowers. 🙂
Thank you for this post Arden! I’m just a hobbiest photographer, hoping one day to take beautiful pics for people, but when I see the way some people (photographers) are towards each other on facebook, I cringe. It takes nothing to give someone a smile, or a ‘like’ or anything to encourage or build people up!! It is definitely worth so much more to bring happiness to people than sadness and doubt. A friend told me something she heard the other day along the lines of ‘surround youself with people who celebrate you, not tolerate you’. Not a bad way to live – being celebrated!! And I celebrate your talent, and I celebrate that you help me want to be a better photographer. xoxo
Thank you thank you Tania, sounds like a smart friend!
WELL SAID!
Thank you 🙂
Oh this is just a great post Arden!!! I feel so lucky to be able to have stumbled across you somehow in the big wide world web 🙂 I love your work, I love your thoughts, I love your interaction with people like me. I am a photographer who is just starting out and not to the level I would like to be at yet, and SO afraid of what everyone thinks about me & my work, but having such amazing photographers as yourself it what keeps me going!! Life is too short to be angry, someday these people will realize it. But keep doing what you are doing because you do it so greatly!!!
Well good for you! Don’t be fearful, it’s tough work and it’s a long and rewarding journey. So glad you found me! 🙂 Thanks for sharing!
Arden, I am new to following you . I stumbled across your beautiful photography by accident…or so I thought. Maybe this will help encourage you, Colossians 3:17 ” Whatever you do whether in word or in deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him “. Thank you for sharing your Gift from the Father, remember, you are serving him through it… not man!
Jennifer C.
Awh Jennifer, you brought a tear to my eye. Thank you so much for sharing that verse!
I feel the same ways so many times. Makes you want to just quit all together sometimes just to get away from it. We have to work hard and unite with positive and encouraging people! Thanks Arden for the post!!
Thanks V!!!
LOVE your post- so true! Thanks for sharing your feelings- I think you rock!
Xoxo, Hayley
Thanks Hayley!!!
Hi Arden!
I am a new HUGE fan of yours. I actually found you through Pinterest and literally spent 5 minutes on your website before I knew I loved you! (Sorry to be cheesy but I am so serious). In a world where too many are quick to put down instead of lifting up, you truly are a breath of fresh air. I was immediately drawn to how down to earth you are, how genuine your desire to inspire and encourage those around you is, and how you use your raw talent that God has clearly given you to make the world of photography and beyond a better place. If only more people could be like you. I admire you for writing this post however it breaks my heart to know that anyone could say such hurtful things to you. (Who would have thought that even the most talented of photographers faces situations like this? As if you weren’t personable enough already, my goodness– knowing that you have gone through this just makes you that much more likable and relatable!) God is definitely using you for so much good Arden, and I have no doubt that this good will overflow to making you an even better and stronger mother, Christian, photographer, wife, and woman. Please keep your beautiful, positive, and contagious attitude because you are such a light in the darkness! Much love to you!
Oh Breanna, how lovely you are. Thank you for your encouragement and love. It really does mean so much. I just know, that this happens to SO MANY people. I wanted to be a voice… 🙂
What a lovely post. I have been thinking the very same thing for ages now. Growing up my Mom taught us that if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all. It’s a good lesson and one that should be remembered all the more now with social media. Remove the negative and move on. Love what your work – it always adds a little happiness to my day!
Thank you so much, what good advice from ‘Mom’ too!
You have a great big heart that has room for so many people and points of view. It’s such a shame that there aren’t more like you. Way to share your thoughts with conviction and compassion. Bravo, friend.
Erin E… E… E! You are an inspiration too. So loving, kind and warm – from the moment I ‘met’ you. Thank you.
PS. WE NEED TO CHAT!
True words. Right words. I hope they don’t fall on deaf ears, but make a difference. Thanks for sharing Arden!
Thanks Jannira, me too!
arden, just your words here speak of the incredible values and beliefs that you hold. there certainly is no need for bullying online, but in the face of it, knowing your own truth is important to maintain.
always a fan,
kristin
Thanks Kristin. I would bet that many of these people – don’t realize the hurt they’ve caused.
Not just to me, but to many people out here in the world.
I am sure I have caused such hurt without really knowing it.
Thanks Kristin!
Love this Arden! Your words, spoken with such integrity and sense of self, have given me cause to stop and reflect.
Well Elaine, that’s great to hear. They caused me to do that as well! Thank you.
arden,
your words are amazing- as always!
I know it can be tough to deal with other people.
especialy people who mean to hurt you and your feelings!
it’s a shame! you bring so much love and happiness to others-
even to me around the world!
most of us don’t even know you in person,
but we somehow adore and love you!
you are a rolemodel, a wonderful person…
you are special!
don’t you ever listen to crab like that-
a stanger has no right to judge and talk about you!
it’s mean! you deserve so much better….
always remember how many people tell you how great you are
and give a damn about a few yerks!
love, nic
Thank you Nic, I am learning more and more – to let things roll off my back. It’s definitely difficult to do so.
I do have such wonderful people carrying my spirit and lifting me up along the way.
I know this happens to so many more – than we realize.
Many must be quiet… about it.
I believe nows the time to have ethics, etiquette and change our words.
otherwise… our race is doomed!
Thanks for this post. I find that there is an added level of insecurity among photographers…something driving us to be the best…to be better than all the others and feeling threatened when someone does a good job. I have personally struggled with it. I thought I was a pretty good photographer but the deeper I get into the industry, the more I find out how far I truly have to go and sometimes its easy to bash on someone else to build my own self-esteem (sometimes the person I was bashing on ended up being my own husband who got into photography because I love it and is becoming an amazing photographer). But I’ve had to really cultivate an attitude of humility and of willingness to help others learn and grow in their own skills. I still struggle to make sure that I don’t compare myself to anyone but that I focus on developing my own skills and my own style and leave the rest to God. When my husband and I were getting married, someone told to focus on the people and friends who add and multiply to our life and ignore those who subtract and divide us. That have proved to be invaluable advice in all aspects of life.
Your work is amazing and is a huge source of inspiration to me as I start doing newborn photography. Please keep it up! You are a blessing to many.
I really love the advice you were given. Isn’t that the truth? I will pass that along to my husband and perhaps other friends and family along the way. Comparing ourselves to others is detrimental to our health, success and joy! Cheers to you. 🙂
Love your post! I’m so sick of the negativity in the photography world! I’m tired of this gang up attitude people have when another photog makes a mistake. Whatever happened to dealing with issues privately? There have been so many times I just want to walk away from my business because mean people make it not fun anymore but then I step back and realize I do this for me and to make my clients smile and that’s all that matters. This snobby, I’m better than you, you suck attitude in the photography industry has got to go and I hope with this post and a few others I’ve seen recently that means other people are getting fed up to! I’ve followed you on fb for awhile and think you’re great! Thanks for the positive reminder!
Thanks Katie… it is super frustrating and overwhelming. Sometimes I’d love to step away from FB, but it’s been such a huge perk and marketing tool for my business… that I can’t right now. 🙂
So, I’m sucking it up and THINK’ing.
I think you are FABULOUS and God does too! <3
Oh Mariko… and you too!
Arden
To be honest this was a shocking read….I really have never taken the time to read what people write about your posts. I simply admire, focus, examine and fall in love with the beauty that you have captured in photographs.…l took the time to read your post this morning and am shocked that one would have anything bad to say…your work is inspiring, beautiful and enriches our lives.
Awh thanks Cindy! I mean – I am pretty ‘jokey’ at times and perhaps it rubs people the wrong way. Which is okay, but I’d rather be left alone… than criticized for my humor, or lack there of. 🙂
Wow, Arden. I have never felt anything but joy looking at your images. I can’t imagine anyone feeling anything different about your or your work? I’m sorry you’ve been hurt. Focus on the Lord in all you do, and then who can say anything negative about you?? 🙂
Thanks Lacey… you are so right!
Very lovely sentiments, Arden. Thank you for sharing your inner beauty. I can learn so much from your philosophy…..even at my advanced age.
Awh thanks DAD!!!
Arden, I’ve been following you for a while (thanks to TPotts) and can honestly say, I enjoy all of your work… both the written work and the images you capture with your Canon. Keep your head up! You’re an awesome person, photographer, mother, wife, friend and Christian.
And FYI…. those mean spirited people are the exact reason that there is also a DELETE button on our …computer. or smart-phone. or tablet.
🙂
You’re right, thanks Tammy!!! I appreciate it. <3
you have taken the words right out of my mouth (and i’m sure many others). the fact that people think that their free speech means they can say whatever they want, whenever they want under the guise of “being honest” while actually being nothing else but rude and unnecessary, is utterly crap. (for lack of a better word 🙂 ) you have an amazing gift that God has given you, and i am sure He is well pleased with how you are using His gift!
Thanks D! I remember finding out more about God through you and your family! Who would have known I’d grow so close to him… with the help of you guys! 🙂
oh my gosh, that was one of the most favorite things anyone has ever ever told me. thank you for that, arden!!
🙂 Sho’nuff!
Arden, I don’t know you personally, but feel like I do! 🙂 I don’t know who in the world could ever say anything bad about you or to you. You are so generous, so encouraging, so positive, and so beautiful… and I happen to love your sillyness. 🙂 Wish more people could more open and transparent like you (myself included). thank you for everything you do in the photography world. You (along with others) have helped me so much in my journey in this business, and have helped me to stay focused on my passion and the things that really matter. You are awesome at being YOU!! I’m trying to do more “THINK”ing too! Love this verse… She opens her mouth with wisdom and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. Proverbs 31:26 Thank you for sharing your wisdom and kindess!
Blessings! 🙂
You are right Missy… it’s so important to remember to be kind. As a mother, a mentor, a woman, a neighbor and friend… I must continue to do work hard at doing so, even though it doesn’t always work. 🙂
I love “THINK”!! I will start using this today because it can be used in “real” life situations and on the WWW!
You are so right… that is why I loved it! Will help me remember to stop and really be kind… and not jump to conclusions.
Great words Arden. Thank you so much for your honest post – it’s needed sometimes.
Yes honesty is often good – when gentle, thank you so much!!! 🙂
For what it’s worth, I LOVE seeing pictures and post from you. Your stunning photos and beautiful self and family are a joy to see. Thanks for bringing more positivity to the world!
Oh well thank you Stephanie… I am TRYING to stay positive. 🙂
Arden, I am so sorry you felt a need to make this post. I can’t imagine what pics or post you have made that have been offensive to others. I love your blog…your creavity is amazing! I love checking out your fb…your family is adorable 🙂 What can I say? You’re my kind of girl…funny, loving, creative, sharing, caring, grateful & full of faith. Like someone previously posted…if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all. I like the acronym for think you posted, will be writing that one down. I hope you continue to enjoy the life you lead & the work you do regardless of the negativity some feel they must give (probably unhappy people). i also want to thank you for allowing us along on your journey…you are truly an inspiration 🙂 Loving you from Philly! 🙂
Thanks Helen, I have been fortunate enough to have 95% (if not more) of my interaction be positive. I really feel like so many people deal with ugliness and thought addressing the issue would be appropriate. I’ve seen too much hate on the web. It surely saddens me and I am hoping that maybe someone will THINK before they write, because of this. 🙂
We’ll be in Philly shooting a wedding!
My first thought when I read this was how can anyone have anything negative to say about you?!? Crazy! You are an amazing photographer and person. I just moved to TX (Plano) so once we can afford to hire you I will definitely have you take our family pictures… hopefully by this fall. 🙂
Beautiful post. Good for you for writing this. Keep doing what you do…its fabulous!