I know I know, my blog has runneth over with Baby Lake posts.
For those of you following, involved and interested… I thank you for your encouragement, support, love, and prayers.
One day, my blog will be back to “normal” again with more photography driven posts, but it may be a while.
My Dear Lake,
The week we found all of the “news” about you, we still had not decided on a middle name.
One of my wonderful “APP” FB fans (thank you Tania Melick) had shared a website of Female “WARRIOR” names, since I had nicknamed you my “Warrior Princess.”
There it was… a name your Daddy and I had on our list.
It is a family name, on both of our mothers’ sides… it means “FAME OF WAR,” it fits with my desire to add “Lou” or “Lou Lou” as a nickname AND it fits with Daddy’s home state (LOUIS-IANA).
So HELLO,
Miss LAKE LOUISE…
Shall we call you LouLou, Lakey Lou, Lake Lou Lou, or something else?
As time passes, I guess we’ll see. 🙂
It was a week ago that Daddy and I showed up to the hospital knowing that within a couple of hours we would finally meet you and fall in {more} love with you.
This birth wasn’t the birth I had hoped for or planned. In fact it was quite opposite from the home birth from womb to water to arms, I had been prepping for.
Instead I was poked and prepped for a surgery… where they would cut my belly to bring you into this world.
I was at peace with this necessity, as it brought YOU into the world, in the safest way possible.
They wheeled me into the operating room, luckily I wasn’t quite alone.
One of my dearest friends, Maury, is a L&D nurse and was able to be with me through the entire process… and even took photos for us!
I started to get nervous. I had a cesarean with your brother, nearly a decade ago, but was unconscious and didn’t know what it was like.
It was an operating room, full of tile and lights… tools, instruments, rags, chatter and a team of people.
A team who were all there to protect you, my love.
My doc was there, who I really love – she’s cool and chill… and never made me feel anxious.
The nurse anesthetist was wonderful, explaining everything and was with me every step of the way.
She administered the spinal and I slowly began to numb from my tummy to my toes.
It was strange and I had to keep relaxed and breathe well, so I wouldn’t start to flip out.
Daddy came in and I remember getting emotional. It was surreal and emotional.
The nerves, the surgery, the unknown of how you would be… the fears, the hopes, the reality that it was finally time to live through it.
Ya know, the cesarean was not something I expected, but to top it all off – we had NO IDEA what to expect with your arrival.
One of the Cook Children’s doctors came over to me and explained how they would address your arrival… and that I would get a quick glimpse of you, before you were wheeled over to their hospital.
Beeba (your grandma) also came in with Daddy, so that when he went with you over to Cooks, she could stay with me as they finished the cesarean.
The cesarean was odd… as I felt movement and the wiggling of my entire body as they did what they needed to do, to get to you.
I remember when they delivered the uterus… and then momentarily they delivered YOU.
10:33 am, delivery!
6lbs 1oz. and 19.5″ long
You were PERFECT… and not teeny tiny or small , even being 2.5 weeks early. 🙂
A good size, for a little Warrior Princess.
Tears came to my eyes as I heard you cry briefly.
I knew you could CRY… but Daddy and I didn’t know much else.
He was able to see you and went over to check on you.
Your lungs worked… praise God!
You see, we were told that your lung development was unknown.
Your heart was so massive, that they were unsure if your lungs would be adequate enough to support your body… strong enough, big enough.
That was the biggest worry for us. If your lungs were not developed properly, heart surgery would NOT be possible.
They worked on you a bit, added a breathing tube to assist you, and then they wheeled you by me.
I saw you, as best I could and was thrilled to see you well.
Daddy went with you and my mom took over, holding my hand as they “put me back together” – a human Humpty Dumpty, I was.
My spirit was hopeful for you. I just kept praying… I didn’t want to talk, I just wanted to “be.”
Several hours later, my AWESOME nurses wheeled me to see you in your NICU pod.
That was the best experience ever. I had heard, from the Cooks team, that you were doing well!
Your heart was stable, your lungs needed some assistance, but less than expected.
You looked GREAT.
The annoying part about all of this – is my stupid recovery.
I wish I could just get up and run to you any moment I desire.
I know I cannot and I know I need to rest, but it’s difficult.
I am not one to sit in bed and relax, I never have been.
Narcissistic mama huh? No baby girl, I just want to be able to be with you… but you have the best TEAM by your side 24/7.
(Special thanks to my dear friend MAURY for these wonderful and priceless photos… perhaps you should quit L&D nursing and become a birth photographer. 😉 )
Thursday was the day for surgery.
We were able to go spend some time with you that morning and they let me hold you on a pillow.
I cried and worried, but knew it was time for your broken heart to be mended.
I had that fear – that they wanted me to hold you “before surgery” just in case that would be my only opportunity.
Of course with every surgery there are risks, but I gave that all to the Lord and adored my moments with you on my lap.
The team arrived to prep you and we followed you in the hallway.
That was difficult. I cried and breathed and cried and breathed and kept my chin up as I saw these soldiers of life – surrounding you, filling your lungs with air, watching you, and escorting you – like a “real” Warrior Princess.
Then it was time to part ways and they told us to give you a kiss… goodbye, as you headed to the operating room.
One of the toughest moments of my life.
(FYI Dr. Tam performed the Starnes procedure. He added a shunt, reduced your heart size, and patched your right ventricle.)
Daddy wheeled me back to our hospital room, just a short wheel chair ride away from the Children’s hospital.
I am so glad we didn’t have to just sit in the waiting room!
We were in our room waiting and blessed by visits from Paul’s buddies and his boss and a surprise visit from my sister!
It was so wonderful, to have people help us pass the time with joy rather than worry.
The nurse checked in with us every hour… and every call was positive. Swhoo.
We went down to see you after surgery and your little chest was still open, but covered with a somewhat clear bandage.
You looked well, but swelling had started and your little bod looked so pathetic.
We loved on you over the next couple of days while you recovered from surgery.
Saturday came around and Dr. Tam decided to close up your chest, as you had responded very well.
You have just impressed us since your birth – through the surgery – after the closing of your chest – and the removal of your respirator.
I am the proudest Mommy in the world.
I pray that God continues to heal you… through the seconds, the minutes and hours, the days, the weeks, the months and years.
You have a long road ahead as do we.
Will I be a nervous wreck, once you finally come home? Probably… but I will be holding you oh so tightly and may never let you go!
We have songs for each of our kiddos… so one day in the PICU I started singing, “This Little Light of Mine” Arden style:
This little LAKE of mine
I’m going to let HER shine
Oh, this little LAKE of mine
I’m going to let her shine
Hallelujah
This little LAKE of mine
I’m going to let her shine
Let her shine, let her shine, let her shine
One of these days, I’ll be able to hold you… and then nurse you!
So get ready little lady, because you may get sick of me soon enough.
I have plenty of squishy snuggles and smooches to smother you with!
For now, I want you to rest, as your breathing last night was more difficult for you.
Just slow down and heal. Let your body relax and breathe well, when you are good and ready.
I’ll be here waiting… anxsiously, but patiently.
I love you more than you will ever know.
You, my dear, are my true fighter, my dainty, but tough little lady… and I am so proud to call you MINE!
My proudest love, Mommy
(Now, just know one day when I tell you, “YOU HAVE THE BIGGEST HEART, my precious Lake.” you will know, I am speaking the truth. 🙂 This x-ray shows your heart before surgery and after.)
Tears, tears, tears. So beautifully written. Thank God your beautiful girl is responding well. Continued prayers for her recovery.
Thank you!
Oh, thank you Jesus! Rejoicing with you and fighting with you for sweet Lake Louise:) Jesus is enough and He WILL continue to carry you!
Thank you Angela!
I’ve been reading every post and saying a prayer for sweet Lake and so thankful for you sharing this journey. She does have one amazing loving family to help her heal. Love her name but I am biased bc it’s my same middle name.
Louise – is great. It’s classic and the meaning is fierce. 🙂
I cried through that entire post. Thank you for sharing your inspiring love and faith through this journey. We will continue to pray for your sweet warrior princess and your whole family. As always you look amazing!
Thank you Emily!
Love love love. Everytime I think of your sweet baby, I am reminded of the beautiful, and majestic “Lake Louise” up here in Canada. It is one of the most awe inspiring places I have ever seen. (here is a picture if you have time/want to see it http://www.discoverlakelouise.com/itineraries/thelake.html)
We’re praying for your sweet family, and so thrilled to hear how she is doing!
Wow that is GORGEOUS! One day we will take her there… how appropriate. Thank you!
I was thinking the same thing Kait. Our stunning Lake Louise! A place I have visited and taken many photographs of. Arden you must go to Lake Louise with your gorgeous Lake Louise!
Your story is beautifully written Arden. Thank you for sharing such intimate photos of your family!
I must check it out… looks amazing.
Though I do not know you personally, I cried through your beautiful post… what an amazing spirit both of you share. I will continue to think happy, healing thoughts for your strong warrior princess. I love her name!! 🙂
Why thank you, I am happy to make new friends through this journey!
So beautiful, this brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. May God watch over your sweet baby Lake and the rest of your family through this healing process. I love that you have a song for each of your children. Lake’s song is very appropriate. Many prayers!!
🙂 Thanks Danielle.
love, love, love. so much love to you all.
🙂 Thank you
These posts (and, especially this one) will be such a gift to Lake some day. I am so happy that she is doing well and will continue to keep all of you in our family prayers.
Thank you Jenn. I hope she cherishes them!
She is your miracle, I will pray for her and for her parents ,take it one day at a time. Angels come in all kinds of forms don’t they? Love her love her and love more.
You are right, thank you!
Thank you for sharing this wonderful entry about the princess warrior. I love her already and thank you for sharing her with your fans. Can’t wait to see more of her.
Awh thanks Trang!
Tears flowed from my eyes the entire time I read this; tears of joy, tears of fear, tears of compassion and tears of hope. You are a truly talented, strong and amazing woman and mother. I pray that your little Warrior Princess continues to recover well and that you’ll soon have her sweet self in your arms. Prayers for you through this difficult time. You’re a blessed woman and I wish you nothing but the best!
Love,
A fellow photographer who continues to be inspired by you and your work
Thank you Lisa.
A BEAUTIFUL post! I’m in tears. =) These are words and pictures that you, Lake and the whole family will cherish forever. Thank you for letting all of us be a part of your journey. Prayers for strength and healing for you both!
Thanks Michelle, I appreciate it!
wow, im still crying! I love how you documented such a trying time in your family! I dont have many words but much love for your lil one. Witha family like all of you in her corner, she will always be a warrior princess 🙂
xx
Catara
Thank you so much Catara.
So beautifully written and captured in pictures. Praying for your precious Lake and for all of you. So know how it feels to kiss a child goodbye before a heart surgery and wonder if they will be coming back to you. HUGS!!!
So very amazing … I’m just a puddle of tears right now, Arden! I do hope you’ll keep us posted on how Lake is doing. Continued prayers for her and your entire family!
Totally lost it when I saw the picture of you looking at her. Such sweet words. Lots of prayers for beautiful baby Lake, and your family. Stay strong!
P.S. LOVE her name!
So proud of you momma and daddy. It’s the hardest thing in the world to have your baby in the PICU/NICU…..
Sounds like you have a super strong support system and that is what is needed most (and a most fabulous “L&D Fauxtographer” ever! Those photos were beautiful!)
I can see her homecoming mums and letterman’s jacket now with “Warrior Princess” on the back!
Keep fighting, keep praying, keep being strong… it will be all too soon she’ll be in your arms!!!!
I will Stephanie, thank you so much!
Little Lake’s journey really hits home for me. My nephew was born with TGA (Transposition of The Great Arteries) and needed 2 surgeries (at 1 week & 6 weeks). I am forwarding your website to my sister. I remember gasping when I saw him in the CCU after his 1st surgery. He’s 10 months old now & doing great! He’s on the small side but cardiac babies are little fighters!! I will send Lake healing thoughts & keep you all in my prayers. By the way, did you know that there is a lake in Alberta, Canada called Lake Louise? It’s surrounded by the Rocky Mountains. It’s absolutely breathtaking! Google it one day 🙂
Thank you Pam, I will definitely visit one day – and show introduce them to one another. 🙂
I welled with tears when I saw the first photo of baby Lake. I feel for you and your hubby – it must be so hard seeing one of your children in this situation! I totally relate about the caesar (the tugging and pulling), I had 3 and the last one I had to be put under after I got to see my baby girl – but I cried as they did, with my husband holding my hand… On a happier note; Baby Lake Louise (gorgeous name by-the-way) was born on my birthday!
Congratulations to you and your family on the arrival of Lake, and I’m sure your APP family and myself will be following her progress.
Thank you!
I forgot to say that your story was so beautifully written & the photos were just amazing! What a wonderful treasure they are.
Tears flowing, so beautifully written. Praying for your beautiful, sweet baby girl.
Oh Arden she is just precious. I’ll be keeping baby Lake, and her sweet family in my thoughts and prayers – stay strong!
Thank you Megan!
Trying to find words , so you can feel the support from here. So much emotions comming out of me and language barriere makes it more difficult to describe.
Even I do know you in person, through photos and your post I watch you quite a while from oversees. You are so inspiring women with such beautifull familly. Your strengh is amazing. You will be safe back home soon! Holding all your perfect kids and your man. You will be stronger than ever before, enjoying the life even more. I wish you the best madam Arden a princess warrior Lake Louse.
I do not know you in person 🙂
Thank you Renata, you are so kind. 🙂
I don’t know how you’re doing it, Arden. You’re so strong. I’d be a mess! A hot, hot mess! LOL! You amaze me. Lake is beautiful and strong and courageous and a teeny tiny mighty warrior! I love her story and thank you every day for the updates on her progress. She’s inspiring. I hope Pierson, Parker and Edie get to be with their littlest sibling VERY soon!!!!!
Thank you Samantha… I have no other choice, but know my parents raised me as a tough and independent gal. It sure is helping me through this journey! Thank you for your constant love and support.
Dear Arden,
I read your so touching story.
Your child his between goods hands: GOD and YOURS.
Have faith for her future what ever will be. Things happens for a reason.
I’m Marylie’s mom and I know ALL the good things that you did for my daughter.
Bless you and your beautiful family.
Sylvie
Merci – Sylvie! 🙂
I’m a friend of Paul’s from Axis (old school Christ Chapel). Praying for your little girl and your family.
Thank you Trish, I appreciate you. 🙂
What a wonderful way to reflect on your last week with your new baby angel. I wish you and your family nothing but good news from here on forward.
I have been following your picture updates and pray for you and your family. I am a nurse in canada and understand some of the emotions you may be going through. Happy to hear that you have so much support with you.
I found you through pinterest and then started following you on facebook, i find your work truly inspiring. thank you.
Thank you for your love and support… I appreciate you Alanna.
Oh, Arden.
Oh, Arden.
You don’t know how I have prayed. Every day when I drive. Every morning when I wake.
I pray and pray for your little Lake.
I am thrilled for how she is responding to everything.
I think God has some very big things in store for you.
And for you.
Sending all the love in the world.
Thank you Becky! 🙂
Oh my goodness. First of all, I know that God has his hands on her and she is going to be just fine and she is proving this herself too. I continue to pray for LakeyLou and your entire family. You are one amazing woman Arden! I think it is so incredible that you are documenting this time of her life because years from now she will be able to see that she was a warrior from the very first moment she took her first breath!! Thank you for sharing her with us, she has won us all over. She will always have a special place in my heart! I have always been a fan of your photography but more so of YOU. You as a person are just amazing and your personality and your love of God and your family just spills over in your words that you have shared over the last couple of years that I have followed your blog. She is so lucky to have you as a role model! Hugs from Conroe, TX!!!
Oh gosh, thank you Nancy. I am an open book – on the web and in person. 🙂 Sometimes I am sure my husband doesn’t love that quality. This has been an experience, but so grateful for God given strength and peace.
Oh my word!!! Being a momma of two myself I cannot imagine having to go through what you have and continue to go through, dear Arden! Your strength and willingness to give it over to the Lord is nothing short of amazing and showing of your faith! My prayers and thoughts are with you, your dear, strong Princess Warrior Lake and your family! LOVE YOU!!!! XOXO
Amazingly written. I am in tears and praying for you and baby Lake! God bless!
Thank you so much Cissie!
What a glorious post…that I found, thanks to Becky. I’m saying a prayer right now for Lake and the rest of her beautiful family.
P.S. I have a Lucas that I affectionately call Lu-Lu. 🙂